Why i am not dieting.

why am i eating while i know that i have just taken my lunch? why do i reach for that bun after i have polished off my dinner?

i do eat alot, i acknowledge that fact. but i cant understand why. now i do. ephipany has finally socked me one realisation. its because... i am quite happy in my state now and have not reached a level where its "do or die". yah. i look in the mirror and actually find some angles where my face dont look fat or horrendously ugly. yeap. i need some one to like really shout in my face and say "Aini, you are effing FAT and need to go do something about it!!!! Go right now!!! give me my 15 laps around the field!!" yeah. something like that. in other words, i am severely lacking in the 'motivations' department. yeap. thats it.

for example, i also have no motivation to like go all out to achieve my place as a teacher/firewoman/businesswoman unlike some people.

AND i really love CSI... *digression*

anyway, my pa asked me what i wanna do after this. then i said i dunno, which is really a *BEEP!!!* 'wrong answer' thing to say to my father. yeah well, i cant say his speech was really useless. i learnt something from it but it still doesnt solves the problem of indescision and aimlessness i am feeling right now. BAH! please someone make the desicion for me. argh argh argh.

i really dont want to be a teacher man... who thinks i should be a teacher? raise your hands. they scared me by their long service awards man... up to 35 years. can you imagine going back to the same ole building for 35 x 365 = 12775 days (teachers dont always have holidays when the kids do, wad...) my father was hinting that i should do teaching, but not because he wants me to. its because he wants me to get moolah and give him $$, support him first till he die. hahahahahaha. no lah. kidding. but then again, he seems mortified at the idea that i wouldnt get married and become an old maid with a pHD... terrified that his dear daughter would be sponging off him for the rest of his old life. hahahahahaahaha.

yah. bugger. any suggestions, any wondering souls?