a period of indecision

yep. its me. i noe that i have a lot of work. i suddenly feel burdened by the responsibilities i have. i just feel like i wan to hang out in school without the feeling of lethargy when i wake up in the morning everyday. i want to learn without having to listen to grumpy teachers everyday.

why cant life be smooth sailing? why cant everything be perfect? i guess sometimes, i feel like i want to just drop everything and get the hell out of my life. as my msn nick says "stress is self-imposed. esp mine..." i do believe in that because i think i think too much. i worry so much that my head is hurting right now. i feel like just sleeping, burying my head amongst the many pillows on my sister's bed. but i know i cant. i cannot. CANNOT. *basket!!*

firstly, i have to do alot of stuff. its nitty gritty stuff, but i cant help but pick on these little things. for example, i have to finish reading the camera manual before friday, finish my second maths tutorial and to pack my bag for tml. these tasks weigh heavily on my minds because of my list of "should have"s. i should be doing my art, i should be not on the computer, i should be cleaning up my desk, i should be getting ready for school... as said before, time and again, my thoughts are scattered, like a BLARDI hummingbird. so when i am doing one thing, my thoughts will go to the other stuff that requires my attention. so i end up not finishing what i intend to do unless i am being kept away from it, like in school.

even when i am about to pretend that i am going to sleep, i think about so much stuff. i'll be tossing in bed, thinking my neverending thoughts until sleep claims the next victim: me.

today, mr chia's lesson was very interesting. the jazz music was very nice and my partner, Alvin from A02 is really really talented! i am so happy i got him to draw me. yay... i really admire him. and mr chia is really nice. today, the hormonally challenged physics lecturer was at it again, mispronoucing her words and having us in a fit of giggles at the end of every sentence. but she is really so grumpy all the time, its like in her whole life, she is afflicted with PMS. she has that 'permanent scowl' described by many english writers which, until this point of time i had not seen such a clear example on any persons face. and today, during the lunch break, had a ball of a time laughing my arse off with my classmates. it was really funny, we were really crapping and showing off physical stunts with me just looking on while screaming "FREAK!!" and laufing my head off.

ah well. i am seriously tired. my mind is plagued with all kinds of worries and i am seriously getting nowhere. i cant ask others to solve my problems for me. i am no coward. and i will fight until i fucking bleed to death.