wootz.

(i notice that i dont have proper titles. well never mind then, i shall continue putting nonsensical titles to confuse my limitless audience)

okay. i am going to complain again. this is because, when we stop complaining, we have either become complacent or we have attained nirvana. the first option i do not want to entertain; the second, virtually impossible. so i shall complain.

the state of my life is in disrepair. why? u may ask?

the whole feeling of unfulfillment is rampant. for example, ppl may see my enrolment into njc as an achievement but what is the point when i dont like half the teachers and half the people dont like me while the other half, i am not sure of their stand towards me. i hate the food, i hate the stairs and i hate the timetable. God help me. the only thing i am staying for is AEP and mr chia with his blue hammer.

the dilemma i am facing is worsened by the possibility that the reasons i am coming to school for is going to be blown away... the classmates, some of the current teachers i have and some parts of the current schedule.

okay... as confusing as it may sound, its actually quite clear in my head: i have no decision yet.

shit hole. i have no idea where to go... poly or jc? shit bag. i am feeling very, very depressed. wherever i look, i see a shit hole looming. it seems like i am standing on a manure pile. i admit that sometimes, i do feel at peace in school, crapping with my friends or just beating the crap out of sumone. (i dun really beat ppl up... ) but then, i feel like tearing up in the middle of a laugh because i suddenly remember that i have to make a choice soon. this is depressing. i do not like making choices. even when choosing subject combinations, i drew lots... but i cheated. i picked econs, but i found out they have to write essays for exam so i threw it away.

looking around at nj, i feel very depressed. are all these ppl going to the uni? if so, then i got a snowball's chance in hell of going to a uni. i LOVE studying, for some reason. i hate working. i suddenly feel like curling up into a ball and waiting for death.

how much do i value life? if i were to find out that i am going to die tml, i would start writing. i would write to my family, friends and anyone i have met. then i will go without any regrets. truly. from the bottom of my heart. i will go without any regrets at all.

of course, in death, i hope i dont find myself in hell or being tortured endlessly. it just gets so depressing.

truly, being without a direction in life is terrible. i need guidance. i need i need i need.

i think its just PMS. it should be called MD instead u noe, Monthly Depression....