i wont care

if u ppl dont read it. i will write because i am a selfish brat who thinks that people actually care to read and digest my thoughts. i actually think ppl care. har.

i laugh at myself lately. i wonder the reason why i do stuff. why? why do i go to njc? why do i hang out with certain people? why cant i say no to anyone?

WHY?!?!?!

why do i always feel so guilty if i refuse anyone? why cant i make desicions on my own?

WHY?!?!?!

shit load. wad does jc life mean to me, i wonder. its kinda stupid. why am i doing my jc stuff, when i cant use wad i am studying in real life? why do we study physics? why do we study maths? why do we study biology.

my mom is saying that i will turn crazy. i actually think i am going to. and ppl always tell me i tink too much. i know i do. but how?! how the hell am i supposed to detract myself away from all this? the pressure for me to think about the future of my life is so great that i cannot get away from it all.

i talked to mr tay, my physics tutor, in school today. it didnt make me feel better, but at least i know wads the next step i am going to take to try to find my calling in life.

talking to mr tay was great lah. for the first time, i can talk about myself without fearing that ppl will think i am kooky or having ppl interrupt me coz they want to talk about themselves.

there is alot of psychological burden on me now. i think so much that my head would actually start to throb. i even have thoughts about the close ppl i am with.

it scares me.








why?







shit. i tink i need to be warded in the psychatrict ward.