disappointment

i dont like to disappoint people. truly, when i am forced to disappoint a person, i feel damn guilty and terrible. but i cant help it. i am most guilty of this with my family members. Its funny that u tend to disappoint those who u love most. they are the ones u take for granted. i do. then, i feel like shit afterwards.

my parents, even on their own, are spontaneous ppl. one fine day, they can just say "Lets go fishing!" and off we go, after some spontaneous packing. i feel like spontaneously combusting. my eyelids are dropping lower and lower and i dont give a shit if i am not making much sense now coz i am sleepy.

final thing is: i am selfish but i hate to disappoint. how paradoxical. its like i am two persons in one body. sometimes i feel like its okay to do something, then, i chide myself for my decision. thing is, when i listen to both voices, i never make a desicion and then, am usually left to make a spontaneous decision. like the case of the subject combination where i drew lots to decide the subject combination i am taking now.


life is hard when u dont have preferences. but imagine life if u are inflexible. man... everything is a grey area nowadays.