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Life has been pissing me off. It’s like, twice a month; everyone congregates and tries to piss the hell out of me. I would gladly launch into an account of my experiences from three days ago but I know I should not. You see, if I do, I am afraid I have to password lock this thing to only allow people above 16 yrs old in. now, now, where is the fun in that?

When life gives u lemons, make lemonade. Hell. That lemonade will be sour cause life didn't give you sugar. Hell, you have to go thirsty first so that you actually have water to make a solution. Oh. And wad about a cup or a container? All in all, when life gives u lemons, its telling u, eat me. And when u do, u get a mouthful of citric acid and a bunch of other organic chemicals just waiting to give u an experience of a lifetime.

So far, I can think of myself as a recluse, refraining from going to BP since the prize-giving day. Yesterday was an alumni mid-autumn festival thing. Its funny, I realized that all the places I went to are all looking for an identity of their own, a 'culture'. Kranji Primary School was just set up when I entered its gates as a wee primary 3 kid. BP is now trying to establish an 'old boys and girls' thing, akin to other prestigious schools not in the area. NJC, well, I cant say there’s anything averse to the situation, just that we are all still fumbling for an identity amidst the other top JCs. Trust me, being called the 'grey, square school' is not as fun as u think it is.

Everyone is looking for an identity, looking for some faith. The world has become so muddled that nothing is ever solid anymore. Everything is a shade of grey. Even strict rules get tweaked as people find ways to get around the regulations. 'Where there is a will, there is a way' is taken to a whole new level where humans will stoop to any level to obtain their desires. Take for example, the emergence of reality TV.

It exploits the human nature to be greedy in shows such as survivor and the apprentice, where contestants acquire comparably large monetary gains if they manage to 'outwit, outplay, outlast' the others. They backstab and lure fellow human beings on a international platform declaring that "yes, I am like that. I am a determined person and I’ll do whatever I have to do to obtain something." implying that, well, I am not such a nice person and will commit despicable acts just to reach a goal.

Having said that, the producers and the creators of the shows just keep churning them over and over again. Survivor is well into its umpteenth season and it spawned reality TV shows like rabbits. They know that there will always be contestants, and greed shield their eyes as they also know that there is a humungous viewing audience just sitting around waiting for the latest offering from them. "Never disappoint" so off they go, gallivanting around the world with a spouse, friend or a mate. Where there is a demand, there is exploitation. As people cry out 'more! More!' even more television producers exclaim 'I need a new idea! Something totally new!' and out pops out villa wellness and America’s next top model and so on and so forth.

People root for the wrong people for the wrong reasons. No one ever listens anymore. It’s really an irony. We have such wonderful telecommunication devices but how many of us really, picks up the phone and calls up an old friend to really be genuinely interested in what is going on in their life. Or IMs a classmate out of the blue to ask how they are feeling and whether they need any help without any prompt, without any hidden motives. 'Oh and btw, do u happen to have? Can send to me?' its hard to do that now because, lets admit it, we are all selfish. I am the most selfish person I now, because I am the only person I truly know. You can’t say that so-and-so is a selfish inconsiderate ass without knowing the person, can u? To measure the polarity of our selfishness is to delve into the workings of a human mind.

Read Freud.

Another thing I find funny. I rant and rant and rant. And then I find others who wax lyrical about the same things that I do. But oddly, everything still stays the same. Survivor is still going to show next week and NJC uniform will still be grey and selfish inconsiderate asses will still walk this earth like every other man/woman. I am merely passing time, wasting it away, trying to run away from writing about Iraq and proposal for its redevelopment in Malay. Trying to run away from pointillism. Trying to run away from life.

But darn it. It keeps giving me lemons.

Crap. Lucky I copied this thing onto the computer. If not, I would have to kill.