today is the last day of the year.

and i tink that i shall stop blogging. well, here anyway. i have set up a new blog somewhere in the blogosphere. and i tink that its better this way. the world has revolved such that i have become much more critical of the world and the way things work. and i have become a cynic and under apreciated. life is just a big popularity contest and i cannot blame anyone because humans are just like that, judgmental and biassed. thus, i shall venture out on my own, on an unknown blogspace where i shall rant and rave, reflect and criticise, recount and question my values. there is safety in anonimity and it is highly unlikely that my identity would become known as it is highly impossible for a person of the kind of expertise even bother to find me.

so. this is my last blog entry. anyway. i will not delete this space as there will be some days, i need to remind myself wad i am like. in fact, u can check out the other online space i have forsaken for this blogspot. its an opendiary and it was my first venture into the online world.

i have to admit that i am an attention seeker. a few yrs ago, it would have been social suicide to say that as people around you would have frowned and thought "what a poor, deprived child. she must be seriously disturbed and thus, wacko. i must save myself and encourage others to be wary of her for their own safety. *note to self:avoid her" but now, people just accept it and carry on yakking about themself. i know i have said this alot of times and i shall say it again.

i want to write for an audience. i want to know if other people thought the same about things as me. i want to know if my thoughts and perceptions were normal. i wanted to know if i myself is normal. but things dont turn out the way i would like it to be. cakap sendiri, takde orang nak bagi feedback, is no fun at all.

you see, the knowledge that people are reading my blog but not responding disheartens me. if i was an anonymous writer and i get no response, i wouldnt be too sad because i know that it is almost impossible to have a reader. thus, it would explain the lack of responses and feedback.

everyone wants to be heard. but who wants to listen? everyone is shouting their thoughts through many channels but truly, is there anyone who would truly listen to them and respond? for example, many times, my art teachers have been askign me what message i want to potray to my art work. i end up asking, even if there is a message, would anyone actually think about it and respond? would anyone take the time to digest what i have to say through my art work and give feedback to me, telling me what is wrong with my message or further substantiate my claims? this is my concern. its a huge one. you can work ur ass off on a campaign to burn bras for it is a restriction on femininity (uhh... watever) but its a huge possibility that no one will even react. would they listen to ur reasoning? i am sure some ppl would see ur article on the newspaper entitled "burn ur bras for ur own happiness" and immediatly have the mindset that ur article is gg to be a worthless piece of shit and think, "what a load of crap" and skip it.

ur efforts would have gone to waste. the crap about "its the effort that counts," is crap because we all know that everybody judges people by the results they see. if u get a tattoo, then u spend a whole load of time trying to remove it but fail, ppl will see the tattoo and have a set mindset that u are this kind of person unless they know what type of person u really are which is impossible because the human nature is multifaceted.

anyway, since today is the last day of the yr. i had gone out with gennie and izyanti, my bestest pals from sec sch. gennie is back momentarily from canada. anyway, we hung out at the city hall area. we went to the esplanade where we saw ketna patel's work at the jendela and her work is really quite refreshing. u should all go see it. anyway, one of her work is this 'timemachine' thing which i forgot the title, but it was really brilliant coz it had webcams and u could capture photos and send it to ur hp/ email and i have this photo..

taken there. cool? its me. wahaahaa. yah. then we oscillated between raffles city, citylink mall and the esplanade where we caught an act, a concert thing for the new yr. we were the only ones bobbing along to the songs and clapping and 'dancing' and at times, singing along when we knew the lyrics.


we even took out the time to write our wishes on some white card to be hung from a pole thing. tts gennie's with hers

and the back.

ah... i miss the days we all hung out at the art room together. =D. memories are forever. well, at least until dementia/alzheimer's set it. happy!
happy days...


(this is going to be quite long)

anyway, while we were all strolling in the malls, i raised a question that i have been asking alot of people around me. and no one has ever given me a satisfactory answer. this grand question is, "why do they bother putting nipples onto mannequins" suhailah said tt perhaps, the retailers wanted it to be as real as possible. so why dont they put things on male mannequins' crotches then? well... i havent seen one of those so pardon me. so we, gens iz and i, went on a quest to survey how many of the shops in suntec had nippy mannequins. a great percentage of them did, retailers like topshop, ralph lauren and this undies shop had nippys. the rest tt din have it had cotton mannequins or them had pointy boobs. so i still havent found an answer.

so, on my way home in the train, i was reflecting on the daily activities when someting struck me. why did the cotton mannequins not have nipples? is it because of the way it was made? then, it would explain why the plastic? plaster? mannequins had nipples. it would have been made by casting a plaster mould on a model's body and then making copies from that same mould. and pouring the plaster on the model's body, would have been quite a sensation, leading the nipps to be... uhh... u noe... so the mould becomes set like tt. and TT wud explain it all! and perhaps those with pointy ones were made the same way but the models were less sensitive? omg. i have found a satisfying answer to my queries.


sometimes, i cant believe the things i tink about.

new year resolutions
1. get gifts for ppl's birthdays. so ppl, tag me ur bdate if u want me to get u stuff. i have been neglecting this for such a long time. so i resolve to present gifts, no matter how small to ppl. and i promise to give thought to it. instead of giving mindless gifts.

2.work harder for exams! i will show them wad a mistake they made by not letting me take two s papers. dman them!

3. be more disciplined. i should say that i am quite proud of myself for being quite disciplined during the holidays. so i hope to kekalkan that for the rest of this yr. wohoo..

i am so excited. ogling is gg to be great! =D yay! am happy much.

so... this is it. the last entry ever. fare thee well everyone... the sun will set on this blogspace...